Injured

"O earth, do not cover my blood! And let there prove to be no place for my outcry!"Job 16:18

Injured by USSR

The person whom I refuse to call my father loves canaries inside a cage. Born in a cage, created family inside a cage, and dead inside a cage. And the honourable funerals for bird-cage canaries living whole their life inside a cage. But when his own children are about to die, this tyrant and sadist would say: "So tell me why do I need you? I gave you life and I will take it back!"

Stupid, lying, contemptuous person that slanders you before everyone and ignores whatever you say, whom I refuse to call my mom: "So what do you want, ha?! So tell me, what do you want? So? So? So?" and after performing out all of her crazy ideas to hear "F..ck you!" and be thrown out to die on the streets.

1991 USSR dissipation brought poverty, government money and bonds turning into trash in one day.

With all her USSR government medals my grandma became destitute, and was even driven away out of her flat by her own son to his brother into Russia, without anyone's consent and her consequent last days filled with tears and sorrow.

May 1992 during the night I woke up of sounds of a huge train going off the rails, for hours. I knew this were machine-gun massive fire in the city center. Civil war in Tajikistan has broken out. My school was all in holes, and we were gathering machine-gun used cartridge-cases handfuls for months.

1992 - 1995 war hunger. When was the last time I ate properly on the USSR heap of ruins, anyway? How many years do I have to live in deprivation caused by government? While others were studying and doing sports, I was standing in the line for bread from 20:00PM till 03:00AM to get bread by measure, .5kg per person per day.

14 September 2000 I was expelled from Perm National Research Polytechnic University for being late with my student session Math exam. Ironically, I TEACH Math, both now and then. I want to cry.

Can You imagine living outside of a system in Russia, where bureaucracy is law?

26th November 2017 I couldn't get to Norway because the visa requirements are extraordinary for most Russians, €50 per day. Sent back from the Norway borderline by Russian FSB, "no necessary documents" reason.

June 20, 2018 a failed attempt to make visa to UK led almost to being killed on the streets of Moscow, and surviving 3 months on the streets of St. Petersburg in order not to return to Ural harassment although it's the only place to spend nights in my own bed, and writing of the Exit Russia and hungry winter reserving the last money for the US visa.

June 2019 a failed attempt to make a visa to the U.S. on the last money. I'd better used those money on the previous hungry winter.

Instead of the US Go congress I was made to serve 200 hours of compulsory service for things I did not commit, and couldn't find a lawyer to clear up my name and to save my health. As a result a lower-back and a right foot trauma.

January 2020, ten years of hungry freelance.

Clearly it's all due to abuse by Russian authorities.

I can speak and write 5 languages, yet I do not have money to come to a girl and say: "Hey, You know what? You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. I'm on the run from Russian authorities, though I commit nothing wrong. I am innocent. I do not have either the money or a safe place to live. All I can give You is hugs and a tender kiss. And You know what? I want to live with You forever. Be my wife."

I’m not a god…

I’m weak. I can’t bare loneliness. Also pain. Also suffering.

I don’t want to die the way it is now.

I’ll repeat telling:

I’m in fear. I’m lonely. I don’t want to die!

God Jah, save me!!! Anyone, do hear!